Ten Stages of Grief 

1.    SHOCK:  Anesthetized against the overwhelming loss.  Not comprehending and not able to face the full magnitude of it.

2    EMOTIONAL RELEASE:  Beginning to realize how dreadful the loss is.  Venting or releasing these feelings is better than trying to repress them. 

3.    3     DEPRESSION, LONELINESS AND UTTER ISOLATION:  Feeling of “No help for me.”    Down in the depths of despair.  Should know this is a NORMAL feeling.  Aided by EXPRESSED CONCERN.

 4.      PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS OF DISTRESS:  “Ill” with symptoms related to the loss.  Best help is to understand the grief process

 5.      PANIC:  Convinced “something is wrong with me” as a person, can concentrate on little else.  May fear losing the mind.

 6.      GUILT FEELINGS:  May recall own past neglect, mistreatment, or wrong to the deceased.  Wrongs may be imaginary or exaggerated.  But they may be REAL wrongs with REAL guilt.  Confession and unburdening of real guilt gives best relief.  “Forgiveness” of real wrongs, as if they were imaginary, is no adequate solution.

 7.      HOSTILITY:  Feeling better leads to expressing self more actively.  Hostile expressions toward those who “caused” the loss are common.  Such hostility is normal but not to be encouraged.

 8.      INABILITY TO RENEW NORMAL ACTIVITIES:  Cannot get back to “business as usual.”  Must bear loss alone, since others are back to normal activities.   Need encouragement to face new realities, not to be sheltered from them.

 9.      GRADUAL OVERCOMING OF GRIEF:  Emotional balance returns little by little, like healing of a physical would.   Rate varies with individuals.

 10.  READJUSTMENT TO THE NEW REALITIES:  Not “old self again,” because there is a new situation.  Stronger, deeper, better for having faced and overcome the disaster.